Blagues de la 2e GM

[von Aasen]

Question: How do you destroy a polish tank?
Answer: Kill the person who is pushing it!



The Hungarian envoy to Washington is about to declare war on the U.S. The american recieving the declaration, having little knowledge of the world outside the U.S., asks him some questions:
- Is Hungary a republic?
- No, it's a monarchy
- So you have a king?
- No, we have an admiral
- So you have a fleet?
- No, we don't even have access to the sea
- But you have some claims, do you?
- Yes
- Against who do you have claims? Against the United States?
- No
- Against the Soviet Union?
- No
- Then against who?
- Against Romania.
- So you will declare war on Romania?


- No, Romania is our ally!




Schooltrip is visiting Nazi Holocaust camp in Auschwitz-Birkenau. The teacher that conducts

the trip is talking about the camp, prisoners, their testimonies...
- Mrs. Teacher, my grandfather told me much about that camp! - said little John.
- Oh! John! It must have been the most terrible time of his life. He must have suffered here

much! I am sure that he was killed by that cruel Nazis, isn't it!!!
- No, he died as he fell off the a guard tower because he was drunk...




The teacher is asking children in the school what their family mambers had been doing during

the Second World War.
Children are very happy as they can boast of their family achievements. Teacher is asking

her pupils about that.
Little Joanne says: My grandfather was a member of Polish resistance!
- Oh! He was a hero! We know, children, that many persons from our coutry fought against

occupants. Could you bring his photographs on the next lesson? - teacher asked.
Little Mark says: My grandmother was forced to work in Germany!! She worked there 4 years.
- You have to know, children, that many people had to work or were forced to do it in order

to survive the war... - teacher replied.
Little John says: My father was electrician during the war!
- Electrician? Was he employeed in German company, factory? - teacher asked.
- I do not know Madam. His job was very stange. He wore big metal hat where 2 thunders were

painted...


Speaker at the local communist meeting in liberated Poland in 1944:
- Do you know my dear people that within 5 years we will build real communist system in

Poland?
One of the people stood up and said:
- I am not afraid. I suffer seriously from a cancer.



A soviet (state farm worker) and a US farmer were bragging about their farms:
The American said: "my ranch is so big that it take the whole day to drive around it's

borders by a car"
The Soviet replied: "we too have such cars"


Back in the old days (till 1990) little kids brag about whose cousin was a better partisan.

Perica says:"My grandpa definitely-once he saved fifty partisans!" -"How?" -"His machine-gun

jammed..."



Polish partisans were chased by Germans. They hide in a well. German soldiers sat near the

well and are thinking aloud.

"Where are those bastards?"
Echo from the well repeats "Where are those bastards... where are those..."
"Maybe they hide in the barn?"
Echo repeats "Maybe they hide in the barn.. maybe they hide in.."
"maybe they went to the forest?"
Echo: "Maybe they went to the forest... maybe they went..."
"Maybe they hide in the well?"
Echo: "Maybe they hide in the well.... maybe they hide..."
"And maybe I should throw a grenade into the well?"
Echo "and maybe they went to the forest.. and maybe they went to the forest..."


Why did the governor of Paris ban any fireworks in city?
- because when someone was using them the city`s garrison was capitulating



A Russian dies and goes to hell. There, he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He approaches the first hell he sees, the German hell. He asks the demon who's guarding it, "What happens in there?"For starters, they strap you to a bed of nails, pump you full of boiling water, pluck out your toenails and finally whip you for all eternity."The Russian is appalled and checks out the Polish hell, asking the guard what it contained. Receving the same answer, he went past all the other hells until he reached the Russian hell. There was an abnormally long queue there and he thus dedued it was more popular. He asked the guard there what it contained."They strap you to a bed of nails, pump you full of boiling water, pluck out your toenails and finally whip you for all eternity," the annoyed demon replied, having answered that question constantly.
"B-but that's the same thing they have in all the other hells! Why does this seem much more popular?" The Russian is shocked.
"True, true, but sometimes there aren't enough nails; there's a shortage of water; the pliers go missing and someone would've pinched the whip . . ."